I have a problem. In an attempt to not be the typical annoying pregnant girl, I’ve been cracking jokes and being silly along the way. Turns out, people don’t think it’s funny and I apparently come off as someone “not excited” about having a baby. Seriously?!?! Don’t people know NEVER to take me seriously? I will always make fun of myself, which now includes the tadpole-looking offspring leeching off of me, which it will undoubtedly do for the rest of it’s damn life. (See, that was another joke. Did you catch it?)
So, to appease my family and friends who think I’m just plain crazy (if you don’t think I’m crazy now, wait till you hear about the cloth diapers and other such awesomeness), I have included a journal entry that I wrote shortly after Drew and I decided to give this insane parenting thing a try. Maybe this will enlighten some of you and help you see into my brain a bit.
P.S. Why do I care so much what other people think of me, anyway?
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The Decision – 08/22/11
I’ve never truly had that maternal instinct – that unyielding urge to breed and produce viable offspring. It just never felt quite right. I always knew I was different because looking at babies and pregnant women did not stir up the necessary emotions inside of me unless, of course, those babies belonged to my sister. Her children have been and will always be extremely close to my heart.
Then one September day I married a man who felt exactly the same way as I did: Babies are way too much work and whoever wants them is crazy. It was love at first birth control pill.
During our first four years of marriage, we would occasionally give the offspring matter some thought: Should we just do it before we get too old to decide? Shouldn’t we give our parents grandchildren? Who will take care of us when we’re older? Can we really handle something like that? Are we missing something in our lives? There is only one answer to all of those questions: HELL NO. We would never make such a huge, life-changing decision based on age, other people and the like. And of course we can’t handle something like that. Nobody really can.
But during our third year of marriage I started to feel like maybe this is something we should do. Maybe we should raise someone to be a gentleman or a tom-boy. Maybe this is our chance to teach a child how precious our earth is and why we should do everything we can to protect it. Maybe we’ll raise a psychopath that murders us. The point is YOU NEVER KNOW.
So I decided to just leave it alone. Drew means the world to me and if he doesn’t want children, I’m perfectly happy with having just him and our four-legged children around forever.
But I had no idea that thoughts were stirring in Drew’s head as well. We were simultaneously contemplating the same life-altering decision right next to each other and never even knew it…until we went camping. On Friday night, August 19, after a few beers and some delicious campfire food, my sweet husband told me he wanted to have a child with me. It was weird and beautiful all at once. I thought for sure that those words would never come out of his mouth. I thought it was just us for the rest of our days. Now we get to take a shot at bringing new life into this crazy world. I’m ecstatic. I can’t stop thinking about it. My planning instincts have kicked in and all I can think about is baby names and baby room décor. It’s quite pathetic, really. I’ve already read well into the 2nd month of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and we haven’t even conceived yet. Lord, help us all. This is going to be a seriously bumpy ride.
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